The POWER of Forgiveness
by Jim Dincalci

Many times, we fail to comprehensively examine the consequences of failing to forgive, or to consider what forgiveness will get us. When we think about our situation for awhile, we begin to realize that choosing to forgive yields us POWER. Let's explore the POWER of Forgiveness together.

Potential
The potential available to us simply by being open to exploring and experiencing possibilities comes from the deepest part of us. We see this potential expressed in the excellence people demonstrate when they achieve great things. It is in each person ready to come forth. The Human Potential Movement of the 70s was built on it, and this movement is gaining momentum every day. It is the quality within us beyond our everyday meanderings and upsets. It is what brings joy, creativity and beauty in to the world. Coming from a spiritual place, it would be perhaps our connection to the God of our understanding.

To harness the power of forgiveness, first of all we entertain the possibility that forgiveness can change our lives for the better – that we can be happier, have more love in our lives, and more joy and peace. We can have a deeper spiritual connection and a better outlook about the life we are living. When we begin to imagine these possibilities and also realize that unforgiveness prevents these from occuring, we can more easily forgive and begin to release the power required to manifest those possibilities.

Orientation
Through forgiveness our orientation to life changes. As we begin to get a deeper sense of who we are, our connection to our Source deepens also, and we begin to discover areas of ourselves that were previously hidden from ourselves, revealing potential and possibilities that were perhaps obvious to others close to us, but not available to us through the lenses and filters of our previous mental models, frames and orientation.

One of the most basic concepts young scientists learn about is the difference between potential energy and kinetic energy. Potential energy is stored and available, but requires a catalyst of some kind to release it. Kinetic energy is energy that is currently being released, or expressed. Kinetic energy is energy in action. We can think of forgiveness, then, as a catalyst. Through forgiveness, our potential in life is released, and our whole attitude and outlook on life changes. As our orientation to life changes, we are far more peaceful, loving and content.

Will
To manifest our potential and change our orientation, we must bring forth our inner will. External situations like divorce or hardship may cause us enough pain to stimulate a shift, but to create lasting change requires the engagement of our own will-power; the power within ourselves to choose. In forgiveness, we are choosing to “let it go”. This comes only from us. No one can make us forgive. At some point in our lives, we realize that in not forgiving, we are only hurting ourselves; we choose forgiveness not for what it will get someone else, but for what it will get us.

Emotions
In choosing forgiveness, we are going against some very powerful emotions we have in place which reinforce our unforgiving position. Unforgiveness is tied to strong emotional states including grief, anger and even hate. There is no doubt we have been hurt in some significant way, and we have emotions tied to whatever situation has evoked our pain. In forgiveness, we explore these emotions.

In addition there are errors in our thinking process, old defense mechanisms in our mind that hold a way of thinking that no longer serves us but are still there keeping us from thinking clearly thus preventing us from changing our mind. Dealing with these emotions and errors in thinking is not easy but is necessary for true forgiveness to occur.

Responsibility
This work is not easy, and requires a great deal of courage. We are aware of the cost of not doing the work, yet alone, on our own, we may not have the tools or the support network to persevere, so we often continue to be victims of our inability to forgive. The ability to respond, a byproduct of forgiveness, contributes to the release of our potential. Exploring our emotional and thinking errors long in place, with the commitment to re-evaluate, reframe and reprogram our thoughts, enables us to respond, rather than react, and to demonstrate competency in the area where we have response-ability.

Jim Dincalci / 2002

The Forgiving Way
The mission of The Forgving Way is to assist each other in learning the language and the practices of the forgiveness process. If you or someone you know would benefit from working with a forgiveness coach, please email us for a free, no obligation consultation.